If you love an addict and are familiar with the chaos of the world of addiction, take a moment, breathe in, breath out, and know you’re going to be OK.
The fact that you are here on this page and in the act of research indicates that you are interested in acquiring some unique personal tools to support yourself and your self-care.
You will need your intuition and senses to navigate this emotional terrain.
You and your loved one are on two separate but parallel journeys of self-discovery. They are two different realities but equally real to each individual and just as hard for all.
1) A Healthy Concern about Facing Reality
The first healthy concern for a parent, spouse, sibling, extended family, or friend of someone with a SUD (Substance Use Disorder) do you have the energy to face reality? The opportune word is energy. Once you go through the door of doubt and walk-in truth to what’s happening with your loved one’s “addiction,” it will not behoove you to close your eyes or dismiss your intuition again. It will be almost impossible knowingly ignore without disrespecting and getting mad at yourself. Now you’re exerting extra energy talking to yourself, trying to calm your emotions, and perhaps a crisis will present itself, and you will not have the means to make a sober judgment call. Yes, soberly. Sober can be defined as a non-impaired mind. If your mind is tired and emotionally entangled, your judgment is impaired.
Hence can you see the parallel journey?
The addict is seeking sobriety.
The family member is trying to stay sober-minded.
Funny how God will allow things to happen to bring us closer to Him.
2) A Healthy Concern Between Helping vs. Enabling
The second healthy concern is awareness of the difference between helping and enabling. Helping is assisting the addict in recovery to heal. Enabling is assisting the addict in their addiction. The essential word is awareness.
I’ll Keep it real. When loving an addict, sometimes you help, sometimes enable. It takes a lot of practice to get something close to right for each circumstance.
You have to be OK with your choice for that moment in time, and don’t beat yourself up because you wish you would have done something different. Apply what you now know next time and be good with that. Reflect, learn and move forward. It’s part of the journey.
It’s kind of like when the addict relapses. What’s most important is what the addict does with what they learned from relapsing.
Parallel journey.
3) A Healthy Concern of Acceptance
The third healthy concern is accepting that the road of addiction is not fair, and you can’t fix another person.
As the person traveling your road of discovery, the best thing you can do is be a vision of hope and change to your loved one. What’s not fair is why you should have to put the work in to change. You’re not the one running in circles chasing a white ghost, liquid courage, or incomprehensible numbness to forget and not feel. You’re working, paying bills, and trying to do life the best you can. Why You? Why be open to change…
Because something is happening to your heart.
For the sake of you.
Acceptance.
Suggestions:
Serenity Prayer
Loving an Addict Loving Yourself by Candace Plattor
As the loved one of someone with a SUD, these 3 Healthy Concerns have not only grown me as an individual, they’ve also grown my faith as I was left with no choice but to seek the Lord for clarity and direction which ultimately led to my own growth. Thank you for sharing your wisdom!